I won.

Sooooo it's been a while.

I guess I'll run from my last blog... that boy the unobtainable boy that I craved... he's kinda mine now.  Yeah ok, we're doing the long distance internet dating thing I guess but it doesn't FEEL like that. I've known him so long, in fact I went back through my old emails tonight and stumbled upon an email I sent him back in 09 pleading for his help with my consistent issues with my life/boyfriend/self. I think we met in May of 08 if memory serves me correctly.

Sadly I deleted a lot of the emails I've sent him over the years and made sure MSN history was not kept as my ex boyfriend was a paranoid schizophrenic and the LAST thing I wanted was to have an argument about it. I wish I could go back and read them. Not that I need to remember just how much he helped me as its still very clear in my mind.

Even just in the last couple of months our relationship has changed so much, I got really scared for a while there and it might of been due to me falling for him and getting worried because I couldn't have him. Not knowing where I stood or what he wanted or what I wanted. I'd freak out about everything at every turn but he told me to relax and eventually it got through. There's something about him that placates me, I trust him like the ground and if he say's I have nothing to worry about I don't 'believe' its true.. I know its true. I've never had that before and it makes me just so happy to be able to trust someone like that.

We've both been burned before, we both know that this is probably a bad idea but goddamn it we love each other and I will always be there for him no matter what, just as he has always been for me.

I'm so damn in love with him.