Family History

The likelyhood of anyone actually making it to the end of this is slim to none but I figured I would put it in. Firstly, I believe its something that I need to release internally and this blog might just do it, but also as this was another journey of mine, it also ties in heavily with what sort of person I am.

Here goes it....

My parents went to high school together in Darwin. To the best of my knowledge they started dating during their late teens to early 20s.  My mother had already had a child as she fell pregnant at 16.
This baby was given up to be raised by the biological father in Victoria (other side of the country). I never did ask why she gave that baby up. She saw her daughter from time to time. I've met her maybe 3 times in my life, she actually looks a lot like my mum. I found out later in life that my grandparents were alcoholics (my mother never touched a drop of booze aside from an occasional celebratory tia maria and milk) - perhaps this played a part in her not wanting her child? No family support?

My parents were a very unaffectionate couple, I never saw them kiss or hug or even touch, they actually had seperate beds. My mum told people that dad was too restless but I don't believe that was the issue. Mum was the matriarch, she and dad fought a lot. Poor bastard couldn't do anything right.

When they made it to their 30's they decided to adopt. I believe at this point my mother had had her tubes tied so she couldn't fall pregnant. They paid a huge amount of money to adopt me and flew to Sri Lanka to collect the imported goods - dad wont tell me how much I cost!! After they realised how cool it was to have a cute little imported child I guess they decided to get another one in a different colour... it wasn't long after they went to Korea to pick up my little sister. Needless to say, my weird multicoloured family got a lot of attention when we were out and about together.

One closed minded lady thought my mum slept with different coloured men so she could have different coloured babies and refused to talk to her. As we grew older my dad faced public verbal abuse because people assumed that my sister or I were mail order brides... one person actually said to him "She's fucking old enough to be your daughter!!" Its moments like that I wish I was bigger and stronger, I would have taken him down. NO ONE talks to my dad like that in front of me. Infact, when dad saw how pissed off I was, he offered to go find the dude that yelled at us.... I told him to stop being stupid. I couldn't imagine a life without my dad, I love him so much and one day I hope to repay him for everything he's done for me.

Anyway, I got a bit off track there.

My sister and I had a relatively good childhood in some aspects in others well... I'll get to that.
My dad was a prison officer, he loved his job so much. He could go to work and feel like a big man and then come home and be the loving, affectionate and attentive father that he was. My mum was a home maker for most of my childhood. She volunteered at my primary school and I'll never forget the day she dyed her hair blue and then came to school to do an impromptu art lesson... I remember a little boy named Gray running up to me and said "HA HA HA Your mums a BLUEBERRY..." I was dumbfounded... In hindsight... if I had've been a wittier child I would have said "Er.... ur name is GRAY... YOUR mums on crack"

So yes, my mum was different, every day she got more and more dyke like. Spikey hair, billions of earrings (5 per ear) usually 5 necklaces of varying lengths. I might just dot point my mum actually.... it will make things a lot more concise...

  • Jewelry - all silver - all dolphins - all fingers - some toes - 5 earrings per ear - 5 necklaces
  • Tattoos - Again, dolphins.... 2 ankle tatts
  • Hair - usually spikey red but there was the 'blue period' 
  • Exceptionally easy to anger
  • Quick to punish harshly 
  • Used to wear long singlets and knickers around the house, then cropped all the singlets right down because she was getting heat rash in the Darwin heat..... did she cover up when I had friends over? No. no she didn't.
  • Yelled a lot
  • Grounded us a lot
  • Probably borderline abusive, when we were about 3 or 4 she used to lock us outside in the backyard at night if we played up. The neighbors (who were friends) jumped the back fence and collected us then rang dad at work to tell him what was going on on a few occasions (go mother of the year!!)
  • My friends were scared of her because she yelled a lot
  • I wasn't allowed to chew gum or ride my bike further then up and down the street
  • Never did anything with the family unless she wanted to do something for HER then dragged us a long
  • She made a lot of our clothes and wouldn't let us wear the school uniform, instead my sister and I wore our own uniform of a blue polo shirt and navy shorts (seriously wtf)
  • My sister didn't get ready for school fast enough one day.... she kept her promise and sent her to school crying in what she was wearing.... knickers and a little T-shirt - I could kill her for that.
  • She kicked us out on multiple occasions, we were always taken in my previously mentioned neighbours till they spoke to her and explained we hadn't done anything wrong.
  • The pearler? She never once told my sister and I that she loved us and I remember trying to kiss/hug her goodbye as a young child when she dropped me at school and she told me never to do that again.... so I never did.
When I was 16 (and my sister 14) she kicked us out for the last time but before I get to that, I should explain the divorce and the injury....

As I mentioned earlier my dad was a prison officer, I loved that. I loved that I had a strong cool uniformed dad. Once he picked me up from high school in uniform and I was so proud!!! It was common that ex-crims would approach him in the shopping centre or on the street and greet him with friendly welcomes so I can only assume he was good at his job and treated the inmates well. I wouldn't doubt that last statement for a second, he is a very good person. Unfortunately there is an element of danger working at a prison and being a guard though and he was attacked randomly while on an escort to the hospital. 
This attack was a blow to the head with an iron bed hoist which caused him to have a brain hemorrhage. He was on loads of pain meds for constant and severe head pain and he never got fully compensated. He was depressed because he tried but couldn't work and he LOVED his job and unfortunately he couldn't do a lot around the house either. He slept a lot and this angered my mum. Instead of being a supportive wife and helping him she was at him constantly for being lazy. Dad did most of the housework due to mum having a bad back and now he couldn't do anything.

I'll be the first to admit there are things here I don't know... serious stuff went down and I don't really even now know the whole story and to be honest I'm afraid to know. My mothers biological daughter was involved in this somehow. Word on the street was that dad was away from work and called her and said shit he shouldn't have. I have no idea if this is true though, he maintains that she lied to mum and had some alterior motive. I just can't see why she would and I don't know what to believe here. Why would dad try anything on my mums daughter? Is he really that messed up? 
Anyway there were many occasions where when mum treated my sis or I like shit that he said he wanted to divorce her. I remember her telling him to hit me for doing something wrong (my recorder was returned in lost and found at school) and he took me somewhere she couldn't see and hit his leg a few times and told me to cry. She was essentially emotionally abusive and I was scared of her my whole life, even now I can't bring myself to call her because I'm still scared albeit maybe for different reasons now. 
Again, getting off track!! Dad started seeing another lady after they'd decided to divorce but he hadn't yet moved out of the house, probably not the wisest move but he was on a cocktail of pain meds and hadn't had sex in probably 20 years (which is kind of gross thing to say but its true). This hurt mum deeply particularly after he moved out. She wouldn't let us have ANY contact with him, it was an awful time. I remember he came to get some of his tools from the shed and she wanted him to leave and they were fighting, like SCREAMING at each other. Mum told me I had to go out there and tell him to leave, you don't disobey mum. I did it but desperately I wanted him to stay. I missed him so much. It broke my heart, I'll never forget that day. That was the first time I felt serious emotional pain. 

So a year passes... we're not allowed to have any contact with dad at all. He rang once and asked if we wanted to sleep over and mum set us up. She asked nicely if we'd like to go stay with dad.... when we said yes she cut sick at us. I tried to run away but got about 200m and turned back because it was the middle of the night and I had nowhere to go. She saw me on the street because she decided to take the dogs for a walk randomly. I got home called my best friend who had recently moved to another town and I ended up crying on the phone to her mum. There was nothing anyone could do for me or my sister. 
During the year my neighbours told us about dad, apparently he was becoming randomly violent... abusing people, threatening to hit people for stupid things like cutting him off while driving. 
My sister and I walked over to the shopping centre once and we saw him in the car part abusing someone... we walked straight past. Why?? I don't know. We were kids.... Now looking back, dad needed serious help and we weren't there for him. Thats a hard thing for me to get past. 

I'll be honest, theres a lot of stuff I don't remember. The details of this day is one such memory. I remember mum going to work and telling us to call dad and be out of the house by the time she got home from work (perhaps another test of hers?) because the lounge room wasn't clean. So we did what she said. 
Dad didn't seem happy to take us when I always thought he would be. It was awkward but good to see him again. Mum left a note at my work (I was close to 17 at this point and working after school at Dominos) to call her. I called her from my friends place and she said "you know you're dads not mentally stable" I said "I know"..... and that was the last conversation I had with her to this day.

Dad had at this point broken up with the woman he was seeing (Pam)... he was a wreck and very very ill. He was a stick figure and looking at him hurt me. I saw him cry a lot and maybe just maybe it was fated to be... dad needed us.... he started collapsing randomly. I still don't know why this happened, i remember my auntie coming over and taking him to hospital. I later found out... he was heavily addicted to morphine and this was because Pam had taken him to several doctors to keep him drugged she then (citing violent behavior) took 15k of his money and fled to the UK (where she used to live). Dad left everything to my mother in the divorce and paid off a lot of the debts for her believing that my sister and I would benefit from it, now this woman had essentially drugged him and taken what little he had left, to make matters worse mum had kicked my sister and I out... he'd just lost everything.  I really truly thank him for holding on because I could imagine the thought of suicide had probably crossed his mind more then once and that was one of the greatest gifts he gave my sister and I.... just to be there... when he ultimately he would've liked to end it.

Dad had decided to move to Adelaide to be closer to his family before we'd moved in so naturally we were forced to go.  I'd just gotten my first boyfriend at that stage and really didn't want to leave. I was so depressed there. The first week I was there I just wanted to cry the whole time. I remember having to eat dinner quickly so I could go back into my room and cry because I didn't want to cry infront of my grandparents... dad was hurting enough, he didn't need that on his conscience too. 
I know dad was still talking to Pam on the phone at night, begging for her back.... he was still doped up on hell knows what.  She moved back to Australia and we begged him not to get back with her but he married her... :-/ 

My sister and I stayed for 3 months in Adelaide and then moved back to home. We got an apartment by ourselves with my boyfriend as he was being kicked out of his place too (he wasn't getting along with his mothers long term bf). It was this point in time where I broke... my bf at the time was just clueless.... my sister needed a parent... she was 15.... and I was it. 
I think this is where I learnt to carry people. My sister  missed school and got cut off centrelink (aussie welfare) I was getting $300 a fortnight to live on... I tried to put myself through year 12 (end of highschool) and continually failed as some days I just couldn't get out of bed.  My bf smoked weed and naturally I went down that path too. 
I quit school and got a job at KFC.... then quit KFC and re-enrolled in school..... then quit school and got a job.... then tried to go back to school.  I couldn't live on centrelink payments and I couldn't bare the thought of not finishing school.  I wanted to kill myself. I used to cry and cry and cry... sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and bawl my eyes out for no apparent reason. My bf at the time would just give me a cone (weed) and send me back to bed. I'd be so messed up I'd bash my head on things trying to knock myself out because I couldn't bare the pain anymore. If you've ever been suicidal you'll know that the emotional pain somehow manifests into a physical one. Its a really fucked up feeling. My bf got a job at an xray clinic and brought home scalpels because he thought they were cool (he was easily amused) - what a fucking retarded thing to do. I started cutting myself... not like full on... just little ones. Don't have a single scar and I scar very very easily. I still don't get the whole 'cutting' thing.... doesn't make a lot of sense to me even now. 

My sister and I still don't talk to mum. My sis called her once and the only thing she said was "why are you calling me?" - its taken me a while and I still hold a lot of resentment and anger but more so pity. She has noone.... she has become the epitome of a crazy cat lady with very few if any friends.

My dad divorced Pam when she started doing really sneaky things like hiding mail and she called the cops on him once saying he tried to hit or push her or something at a petrol station. That allegation didn't go anywhere there was CCT footage, he could've proved his case.  He got married today to a filipina lady who he's very happy with. She has three girls aged 2, 6 and 16 - now before you going thinking shes a mail order bride... in actuality.... the 2 and 6 year olds are technically her granddaughters as her actual daughter got pregnant... and ran away dumping the baby... twice. They yet again, have no idea where she is. The 16 year old is technically her niece and she has raised them all on her own. 

There is one other thing about my dad, he's wanted interstate by the police. Thats not something I'm willing to go into. 

Mum? Well the last I heard was that she was moving to Canberra to be closer to my uncle (her bro). She had requested photos of my sis and I and asked my fore mentioned neighbour to get some off dad. But had a fight with my old neighbour.