Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Completely dissatisfied

MAYBE.... I'm being a girly emotional bitch here, but right now I'm completely dissatisfied and restless.

I want to be better at everything, I want to be better at my hobbies, I want to be better at my job, I want to be a better person in general. I want to have all the answers and quit the whining and bitching but I think I do it because I'm insecure in more ways then one.....or maybe I just want someone to tell me it will be ok.

Initially I thought I wanted validation that people care about me and how I'm feeling but I also now think that I have no faith in myself. I need someone else to tell me I've come to the right conclusion before I act on it.

I'm weak and constantly looking for validation and it irks the shit out of me because it annoys people. They may not say it but I know it does. I cling to those I care for and its so unattractive and I hate it.

I have strong feelings for a friend I can't have and that shits me to tears, literally I have lost it over this crap before. I sound like I'm angry here but I'm not. I'm just frustrated. I don't get angry often and I'm quick to forgive.

Sasquatch - I miss you when you're not around and when you are around I want you terribly.....I want all the wrong things.... I'm finding it confusing and frustrating but what we have must be worth it because I'm powerless to stop it.... and I don't want to stop it.

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