Dear Ex Boyfriend

You are one seriously messed up individual.

How dare you batter into me my short-comings while consistently justifying your own.
How dare you try and take from me the one good thing I had when you left the first time.. my best friend.
How dare you meddle in my current friendships.
How dare you make me feel scared in my own home.
How dare you punish me for everything I did wrong.
How dare you justify a nil apology when you stuffed up.
How dare you cheat on me multiple times.
How dare you imply you're going to kill yourself so I run to your house in the middle of the night - ABSOLUTELY PETRIFIED of what I might find.... just to teach me a lesson.
How dare you pour water on me to dampen my sheets so I have nowhere to sleep.
How dare you pour water on me again when I am literally BEGGING you not to... just for the hell of it.
How dare you mess with my friendships.
How dare you tell me not to use a particular tone of voice when I say "goodbye" to people on the phone.
How dare you check my phone.
How dare you read my emails.
How dare you belittle my profession when you don't work.
How dare you act as though your advice is the be-all and end-all.
How dare you treat me as though I'm a lesser individual.
How dare you speak to me in that manner at all let alone in front of people.
How dare you blame ME because you can't stick to your study.
How dare you, medically classed as psychotic, turn around and tell me I'M fucked up.

I wont miss you and I do not want a friendship with you...
You sir, can go fuck yourself.

THAT Email.....

I can't say I don't feel anything when I read over this, I've been pondering as to whether to delete all the old emails he sent me.... 


This particular one would be hard to delete.... this one reminds me of a time when he had faith in me, when he believed in us, when he truly and honestly and madly loved me. It makes me sad that I don't have that anymore.


I blew it just as much as he did. The difference being, I'm willing to admit it and always have done.  This email however reminds me that there IS good in him and in a sense I do love him but I can NEVER EVER go back to the torture that was our relationship. My heart nor my head could withstand it.

A SNIPPET OF SOMETHING THAT WAS ONCE SO PURE..... 


 Thank you for being kind.
 Thank you for being patient.
 Thank you for dealing with my weird ways.
 Thank you for not getting all cut up over my past.
 Thank you for handling the whole mental illness thing well, even if you do 
 tard up on it sometiems.
 Thank you for not giving up.
 Thank you for inviting me into your house
 Thank you for thinking I'm worth facing the disapproval you face and still 
 keeping your head up
 Thank you for teh consideration you do show me.
 Thank you for the great time in brisbane
 Thank you for being an addict and spendign time with me online even when you 
 shouldn't.
 Thank you for being pretty and looking after yoruself liek that.
 Thank you for listening.
 Thank you for talking.
 Thank you for the way you look at me sometimes. The many different ways you 
 do that. :-D
 Thank you for not being a push over.
 Thank you for letting me have the time to learn to stop pushing.
 Thank you for defending me as a person to those that would judge much too 
 quickly.
 Thank you for the leaps of faith you have taken.
 Thank you for loving me, you could do much better. If you were a poorer 
 judge of charcter
 (I'm perfect after all, so thanks for being able to see it :-P)
 And I hope I can thank you for these things even after we've spent time 
 enough together for you to really see all my real faults, and failings.
 When they become apparent I hope I can thank you for the support to get 
 through them.
 Thank you for this chance, even if it goes sour, I respect you allready, 
 and probably always will for your ability to jump at life. If it has to 
 end, I hope you can do it in a way that lets me keep this respect.
 Very few people have ever earnt it. I hope you DO feel special.
 Thank you for putting up with tardish ways long enough to think again and 
 put it aside.
 I will be back soon. cya in a bit.
 
 I Love You completely. I crave more though.